Harley Is Going To Be A Big Sister

That's right, Harley's going to have a little sister! And being the good big sister she is, she looked out for her and made sure she didn't have Alpers! Katie is 28 weeks along and due July 22nd. I just wanted to let all of you know.

More signs for Harey..

Fourth sign: On New Year's Eve, Harley sent us a sign by moving Mommy's 'Happy Birthday' balloon! It was floating right by the door, hooked to a picture of Mommy on the wall, but when I came in the room around 10pm that night (to charge my phone) it had moved! It was by my bedside, just floating there. There were no fans (or any air circulation for that matter) and it's never moved before (my birthday was on 11-19, so it's been there a WHILE). How awesome is that? I love my little girl so much! <3

Fire Fighters.

On Thursday night around 7 or 8pm the firefighters who came for Harley back in July stopped by our apartment to see how Harley (and us) were doing! It was such a sweet gesture!
I heard a semi in our apartment complex and just expected some car to be towed. When we looked out our window, we saw the fire truck pulling up outside our apartment. We were just worried they were there for our neighbor (she's my age [young] with a daughter that's the age Harley would be and she was sick the other day...) so I looked out our peephole to see if they were going next door and told Cameron 'They're actually coming here...' He answered the door and they were like 'Do you remember us?'
We talked for a while and they told us they still talk about us at the station and about how good we took care of Harley. They were genuinely impressed! It touched our hearts that they still thought about Harley and us. We told them Harley passed and they gave us their condolences. They said the day they came for Harley they wrote down our address so they could come back and check up on her, on us! They were so sweet! We want to do something for them like bring them all lunch one day down at the station. My cousin happens to also be a firefighter (different city, though) too, so I'm going to ask him what we could do for them. I just still can't believe it! I am so touched! I'm so glad Harley touched the lives of so many. Every day it seems I find someone else who Harley (or her story, even) has touched and how it changed their lives, if even for just a little bit. I love Harley so much, she still doesn't cease to impress me, even in Heaven. <3

The Compassionate Friends.

So I finally felt up to it (and didn't forget) and went to my first meeing of The Compassionate Friends. First off, I couldn't walk in the door without breaking down and crying. Besides me, the newest person lost their son a year ago in September (it's been about 3 months now for me, doesn't seem like it, though). Hoenstly, bad first meeting to go to (it was their holiday celebration), but I'm so glad I did. They had a very emotional candle lighting for all the lost kids and everyone (even me) went up, lit a candle and put down a picture of their loved one and said "I light this candle for my (son, daughter, etc.), (name)" etc. It was so hard! Oh, and there was a slide show of all the lost kids and of course it was put to really sad music. Afterwards they had a pot luck dinner with everything from home made meatballs to Jack in the Box tacos. It was awesome! I tried not to eat too much, though because my husband had dinner waiting at home. Overall, I met some wonderful people there who know the loss I'm going through and are able to help me first hand. Their meetings are once a month, which isn't bad. I think I'll fit in just fine there and I'm really glad I decided to finally go to a meeting. = )

Not Having Another Baby Just Yet

I ended up going ahead and getting my depo (birth control) shot. My husband said he just isn't ready yet. He thought he was, but he's not and that's all that matters. I'd rather wait longer than necessary rather than not long enough. Thanks, ladies, for all your continued support; we sure need it. <3

Another baby?

I've been kind of wanting another baby, but my husband's been hesitant on the idea. We visited the in-laws this past weekend and while we were there we FINALLY stopped fighting so much and agreed to be more patient with each other. (YAY!) Cameron's been saying he NEVER wants anymore kids because Harley was PERFECT (and looked like him) and there's no way any kid could EVER come near how perfect she was. Well, when we were visiting the in-laws Cameron meantioned having another baby (FIRST time he's ever mentioned it). He asked what I thought about it because he said that's the only way he sees his life getting better instead of worse, since his family has a history of alcoholism and he's headed down the same path if something doesn't change. We talked about it and our fears and I think we may just be TTC here soon. At 10 weeks gestation we'll be able to do genetic testing to see if the baby has Alpers like Harley and we've agreed that if it does we'll terminate the pregnancy. There is no way we can put another one of our children through the suffering that Harley went through. It hurts me so bad to agree to that, but we ourselves can't handle it, either. I don't want to have the baby and just wait until the day it starts having seizures, knowing it's the end of their short life; it's just not fair to any of us. We still aren't 100% sure (and my mom will NOT like this, but it's not her life) but he threw the idea out there and that's a start! I'll let you all know what happens as it occurs. = )

Signs From Harley

I wanted to share with everyone the signs we’ve gotten so far from Harley! Here goes:



First sign: Cameron was lying in bed one night, really missing Harley. He rolled over and made a little spot for her, like she was really there. Next thing he knows he can actually FEEL her there! She knew he needed her so she came and visited him! How cool is that?



Second sign: I was in the shower, washing my hair, when I realized my left pointer finger hurt. I looked down and see an indent like one from a ‘hair tourniquet’. Let me explain: When Harley was about 4 or 5 months old, we were giving her a bath and noticed one of my hairs wrapped around her finger on her left hand (it may have even been the same finger!). We tried to cut it off, but it was on too tightly. We took her to Urgent Care, where they told us this was actually quite common. The hair gets wrapped around the finger and then starts to tighten, hence the name ‘hair tourniquet’. They had to poke and prod her poor finger with a needle to try and cut the thing off. Poor baby girl. They almost had to send us to the ER! They finally got it off and her poor finger had such a deep cut on it from that stupid piece of hair. We had to put antibiotic ointment on it to make sure it didn’t get infected. Anyway, so I look down and see the exact same mark on MY finger. There is NO way my hair made that deep of an indent in my finger. Crazy thing was it was only on the top of my finger! It went away after a few minutes, but that had to have been Harley!



Third sign: Last night, I brought 6 huge balloons (they took up my whole backseat!) and a plant with yellow flowers to Harley’s grave. I tied the 6 balloons onto a weight and then onto a garden stake we have there. I only tied 1 knot, but figured with 6 huge balloons on 1 side of the ribbon and a weight on the other end, there’s no way the balloons should come untied, right? Wrong. I then bent down to try and get some wax off some fake flower petals that were in a candle holder my sister-in-law, Rebecca, made for Harley’s gravesite. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that the balloons were a little farther away than they should be. I looked up and they had COME OFF THE GARDEN STAKE! They only floated a little ways away, so I got up, grabbed them, and then tied them back on the garden stake with SEVERAL knots this time. I didn’t realize it then, but that was Harley playing around! My little girl is still full of mischief…



It’s so nice to know that Harley still has her playful attitude. She’s still the same little trouble-maker she was here on Earth. We love and miss you, Honey Bear! You'll always be my little girl. We’ll see you again one day in Heaven. <3